How to tend to your organization's culture

I have had the joy of doing a lot of organizational culture work these days. In fact, one organization I worked with this last year just won best place to work on the west coast in its industry and size.

It is so energizing and fulfilling to work with leaders who invest in culture building with their heads, hearts, hands and dollars. And so is being a part of helping people co-create more positive, life-giving workplaces.

Culture is kind of a mysterious thing. We all know its importance and impact. And yet, it is tricky to work on. Well, I believe we have made it tricky to work on and that it doesn’t really need to be. I’ll be talking about how to make it less tricky and practical over the coming months.

👀 If you know others who are looking for support in tending to their cultures, please share this with them. 

Tending to your organization’s culture is like tending to a friendship or romantic relationship or family -- you have to take the time to talk about how things are going together.

Having these kinds of conversations takes some practice. They aren’t exactly comfortable. I just had a conversation like this yesterday so I’m feeling really in touch with the experience. 🙂

It can be challenging to really listen to understand (vs retort), to stay open to and curious about the other person’s experience and perspective, to sit with a sense of non-closure about how to make things better.

This is all especially true if you are the leader -- of the team, the department, or the organization. I’ve been there, too. Oofda! As people shared their experiences, all I could hear was:

• how I was falling short

• how my intentions were being misunderstood

• how entirely missed I felt my efforts were

• how people needed things I couldn’t see how to  provide 

😧😬😠 I felt “all the things”.

I work hard to do right by people and feel a tremendous sense of responsibility as a team or project leader.

I know you do, too -- whether you are a leader, manager, or team member.

The good news is we can build our capacity to invite such conversations about culture and how things are going together.

I bet you were hoping I would say that the good news is that such conversations get easier. I’m not sure that’s really true.

I -- and my clients -- have found that it being uncomfortable gets easier. That we can build our capacity to feel “all the things” and have all the thoughts I shared above without being consumed or “taken out” by them. We can notice, breathe, turn down the volume on our reactions, and be more open and curious.

Capacity is like emotional intelligence but deeper and more grounded in the body.

So, that brings us back to where we started -- change your culture through conversations about how things are going together. Get your conversation practice going!

Here is one idea to try at an upcoming meeting. I’d love to know how it goes. If you’d like help facilitating such a thing, let me know. That’s exactly the kind of support I love to provide.

Changing Your Culture Through Conversation 

Facilitation Guide

Keep it simple. Start small. Here is one idea that takes 20-30 minutes. Try it at one of your already scheduled, regular meetings. Or, better yet, do this instead of a status update. 😴

It's a good ole’ stop-start-continue but with a culture shifting process.

Framing: Say something like, “I’d like to start by checking in about how things are going. Think about the last 3 months or so that we’ve been working together. Think about how things have felt as we have been going about our work together.

Process: So, by yourself, in silence, write down:

• one thing you like about how we work that you believe is important for us to continue doing,that contributes to us having a good vibe around here.

• one thing you’d like us to start doing -- i.e. try, experiment with -- that you think would help us have an even better vibe.

• And, one thing you’d like us stop doing. Again, all in the name of us creating a good culture together.”

• After people have a minute to jot down their thoughts, put them in pairs or triads (in breakout rooms if virtual or hybrid) and have people share their answers. If you are the leader, participate in the conversations but go last.

• Come back together and have one group share 1 continue, 1 start, and 1 stop.

• After everyone has shared, thank people. That’s it. No consensus or action items needed. Don’t even ask clarifying questions because so often we are not really asking clarifying questions.

• Close by saying something like, “Believe it or not, we are just going to leave this conversation here and move on. Let’s trust each other to take action on what we have heard in the name of creating a good work environment or culture together. It feels kinda weird to just leave it here but let’s see what happens.”

There is a lot about this process that is culture shifting so as they say, “trust the process”. Key to this process is the small group conversations in pairs or dyads. It creates safety and anonymity for what people share. Do not skip that part!

And, use your discernment about how ready your team is for this kind of conversation. Perhaps things are a little tense, which is impacting how safe people feel. If that’s the case, just do the “continue” part. If the team seems a little stagnant, just do the “start” part.

Keep it simple. Start small. Small is often stunningly significant. 

How do you know when you are being your true self?

The Soul Purpose Program is underway and the conversations are so rich and insightful already. I was particularly moved by this week's reflection question of “How do you know when you are being your true self?” 

Before you read on, take a moment to answer that for yourself - jot down the first 3 things that come to mind.

This was an incredibly timely question for me, actually. I am part of a team where I have never felt so incredibly myself — and, this is with people I did not know 3 months ago. Even more remarkable is that my sense of ease and connection held up even as we came under the pressure of some intense work together. 

So, this experience has my attention. 

And, of course, as a team coach, I am always asking myself, “What makes this team tick?”

But this time, I am a team member so I am asking myself, “What about this team makes me tick?”

And, “How do I know I’m ticking?” 

Okay, now I am sounding like a bomb. 🤣 Hang with me - I promise I’ll bring this all together.

I had just been with this team for 3 days when, in preparation for facilitating a Soul Purpose Program session, I looked at my own Identity Map®.

And, there was the answer to the question, “What about this team makes me tick?” 

I tick on this team because all of the ingredients I need to thrive are off-the-charts present.

Those ingredients are:

• Soulful reflection

• Peaceful vitality

• Realness

• Collective learning 

• Nuanced discovery

This is why I feel so myself and so able to effortlessly contribute my soul purpose. (And, this once again proves the sustainability and fidelity of my Identity Map, which I did 15 years ago.)

Now let’s connect back to this question: “How do I know I am ticking (or thriving)?” 

Or, relatedly, “How do I know when I am being my true self?”

(I hope this connection works (ha!) and that this is all coming together now…)

Asking ourselves how we know we are ticking, thriving, or being our true selves might seem like a silly question to ask — I mean, isn’t it obvious? 

Yes and no. Yes in that we tend to generally know when we are and no in that we don’t tend to know specifically why.

There is incredible power in slowing down to recognize, feel, appreciate, and connect to what it feels like to be our true selves.

It focuses us on what is working (instead of what isn’t). It brings the energy of appreciation (instead of complaint).

Taking the time to name what we need to thrive helps us cultivate the clarity, confidence, and self-trust to honor it. This might sound selfish but it is not. It's all in service of making a positive difference -- to contribute our gifts to the people and things that deeply matter to us.

Here are the beautiful “markers” we surfaced: we know we are being are true selves when:

• we can breathe easily and fully  

• we feel relaxed, grounded, and happy to be where we are and who we are with

• there is a lack of self-consciousness, meaning we do not feel hyper-aware of ourselves or other people

• we can easily tap our creativity, intuition and experience, allowing us to unselfconsciously (mostly) contribute our life's knowledge into the conversation

• we are quick to laugh and banter, signaling we have easy access to our wit 

What would you add?

Until next time, sending you support in your efforts to cultivate the conditions — within you and around you — that help be and share your true self.

The role of self-trust in living a soulfull, purposefull life.

Living a soulfull, purposefull life is an on-going, daily practice. 

For years I missed the role that self-trust played in this practice. 

What is self-trust?

Self-trust is relying upon one's inner guidance. 

It’s trusting the tugs of our heart, the whispers of our soul, the hunches of our intuition, the truth of our needs, the call of our dreams and imagination.

Thankfully, self-trust is a learned skill that we can develop and a state of being we can choose. 

Building my self-trust and choosing to trust my inner guidance has unlocked a new sense of freedom. 

Freedom from other people’s expectations and needs. Freedom from all the “shoulds”. Freedom from feeling responsible for other people’s experiences.

This doesn’t mean it’s all puppy dogs and rose petals when you have self-trust.

This is where you get to practice the other dimension of self-trust that Linda and Charlie Bloom describe as “having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts.”

I’m learning that being able to do this brings a freedom all of its own, too.  Nothing like turning down the volume of my inner critic!
 
I know you know those moments of relying upon your own inner guidance. Here’s to more of them. Listen close to yourself and believe in your wisdom. No one knows you better than you. 

If you’d like to accelerate the process of building your self-trust, join my Soul Purpose Program: Finding the Clarity, Confidence and Self-Trust to Give the Gifts that are Truly Yours. 

In this program, I will guide you through the process of clarifying and creating your own "inner compass".

If you want to see if this work and my style are a match, come join my Free Discovery Workshop on Thursday, June 7, 5:00-6:00 pm to get a taste of what the program will be like!

Or, book a 20-minute Explore Call with me and we'll noodle on it together.

Until next time, trust the direction of your inner guidance. 

Our competencies are not the same as our gifts.

I was recently reflecting on a season in my previous professional life as a transportation planner when I got stuck in a cycle of torture that I didn’t understand how to get out of. 

Our transportation team would regularly get weird traffic analysis requests from the Washington legislature. By weird, I mean that they didn’t have standard traffic analysis solutions. They required that we devise an approach. Quickly. 

Somehow I became the go-to person for these kinds of requests. I could always figure it out and create a high-quality report in response. Remember the old Life cereal commercials where they gave the healthy stuff to Mikey? That was me. Except unlike Mikey, I didn’t like it. Not one bit. 

But I got it done because someone asked me to. Because people had confidence in me. Because it created value. Because I was proud of the work and the recognition I received. 

However, behind the scenes, I was stuck in a cycle of torture that looked like anxiety-driven hours of work in which I spun around in my thinking, costing me hours of my life. Tears of frustration and overwhelm were not uncommon.

I kept at it, though. People were telling me that I was really good at it so it must be a reflection of my gifts. 

Right?

Wrong. 

I was good at it because I had developed a strong set of competencies — but our competencies are not the same thing as our gifts. 

I wish I had known that then. 

All of the signs that I was not doing work related to my true gifts or natural strengths were there: spinning, over-efforting, frustration, exhaustion, and tears. 

That's not what it feels like when we work in ways that are aligned with our true gifts.

When we are aligned with our true gifts and our natural strengths, there is a sense of ease, flow, intuition, a “just knowing” how to do something. 

If you are in your version of this cycle of torture, of doing work that calls on your competencies rather than your gifts and natural strengths…

I want you to know that another way of engaging with your work is possible. 

And I’ve created the Soul Purpose Program to help you discover it.

We’ll start with a deep dive into uncovering your gifts and natural strengths. Then, we’ll identify ways  you can bring them more into your work and life right now. 

This process will help you see entirely new possibilities for how you engage with your work and life, and you’ll find the clarity, confidence, and self-trust to explore these possibilities.

If you want to see if this work and my style are a match, come join my Free Discovery Workshop on Thursday, June 7, 5:00-6:00 pm to get a taste of what the program will be like!

Or, book a 20-minute Explore Call with me and we'll noodle on it together.

Until next time, notice those moments when you are experiencing a sense of ease and flow, when time is flying by, when you have a sense of “just knowing” how to do something -- take stock of what you are doing and how you are doing it. This will help you connect to your true gifts, your “soul abilities”.

Creating a soulfull, purposefull life

I am so excited to tell you about my new Soul Purpose Program that opens today! As someone in my Connection Works circle, you are the first to hear about it.

Truth be told, I have been building this program in my heart and mind since 2008. As a result, it is going to be a deep, clarifying, creative, inspiring, and fun journey of becoming even more connected with our true selves and how we can live in greater alignment with who we are. 

The program name is inspired by Bill Plotkin’s definition of soul in Soulcraft, “By soul I mean the vital, mysterious, and wild core of our individual selves, an essence unique to each person, qualities found in layers of the self much deeper than our personalities.” 

It is also inspired by David Whyte’s poetry which refers to the soul as “that small, bright and indescribable wedge of freedom in your own heart.”

I designed the Soul Purpose Program to help you clarify and articulate these aspects of yourself so that you can actively orient around them - around who you are at your core, under your personality, that activates a deep sense of freedom within you. It is hard to prioritize what we cannot name. 

The Soul Purpose Program is built around the process of Identity Mapping®, created by my colleague and friend, Larry Ackerman, author of The Identity Code. I went through Identity Mapping® with Larry in 2008 and it was transformative. 

I navigate by my Identity Map to this day, 15 years later. It has truly stood the test of time and grown along with me. 

My Identity Map has helped me create an identity-based life -- a soul-full life that is rooted in my authentic, core self. The self under my conditioning. With my true self in the driver’s seat, I can more confidently give my gifts and work towards living a purpose-full life.

The Soul Purpose Program is for you if:

• you regularly have a niggling sense that you have more to offer or hear the faint calling of your soul or some deeper part of yourself

• you are in the midst of or considering making a change of some kind in your professional life

• you feel the need to step more into your leadership, whether that’s leadership of a team, a department, an organization, or your life

If you'd like to learn more and get a sneak peek into Identity Mapping, join my free online workshop on Thursday, June 7, 5:00-6:00 pm Pacific time.

I am excited to share the wisdom, activities, practices, and tools I have gathered over the last 15 years of supporting myself and others in living identity-based lives. I was so blown away by Larry’s Identity Mapping® process that I became certified in it, co-delivered programs with him, built and delivered an Identity Mapping® Coach Certification, and even did organizational identity consulting projects with him (but that's a whole other story). So, I have a lot to share!

I will be sharing more about the Soul Purpose Program and my journey with Identity Mapping® soon. I want to bring to life what it means to have your own Identity Map.

So, visit the blog again soon!

Building Your Capacity Changes Everything

It’s funny how life works. Or, rather, it’s funny how when you put your attention on something, it suddenly seems to be everywhere. 

My focus has been on the idea and practice of building capacity. And it’s been popping up in my life in various ways -- from having my own capacity challenged to watching others struggle with their capacity to being on a consultant call where we were talked about the impact of work culture on people’s collective capacity. 

However, building capacity is not necessarily an everyday term. When we say “we help people build their capacity”, people’s heads kinda tilt and their eyebrows furrow. 

“So, do you mean you teach communication skills?” 

And then our heads kinda tilt. Um, no. But not unrelated. 

Building capacity is, in a way, everything that happens around communication.

Capacity is what you need before, during, and after communication has taken place. Building your capacity helps you use all the communication skills you’ve learned about -- “I statements”, active listening, being empathetic when challenged, seeking to understand, etc. 

Building your capacity helps you deepen your ability to be more grounded and more present in a wider variety of stressful situations, particularly stressful interpersonal situations. And being grounded and more present does not always mean you will be comfortable. Building your capacity helps you get better at being uncomfortable. 

Here are some examples of what building capacity makes possible:

• Making it through family gatherings without losing connection to yourself or connection to your family

• Responding to really challenging team or organizational relationship dynamics in ways that keep you in integrity with yourself and your colleagues. 

• Being upset by or in conflict with someone without making them or you “wrong” 

• Sitting with ambiguity, uncertainty, and confusion because you have learned how to care for yourself in these situations

Practically speaking, we want to strengthen our ability to stay connected with ourselves and others even in the face of discomfort and stress. To stay in relationship and not “other” the other person. To not have to make anyone or anything wrong*. To stay in, explore, and be guided by relating to ourselves and others rather than lashing out, shutting down, or disconnecting.

*(Yes, of course, there will be situations where something is definitely wrong and you will need to protect yourself but I am not talking about those situations here.)

Here are a few questions that help us understand our capacity:

• To what degree can we stay present with ourselves and another? 

• To what degree can we “stand with ourselves” without feeling the need to “stand against” another? 

• To what degree can we be aware of what is happening in us (our, hearts, bodies) and aware of another of what might be happening in another?

• What tends to “take us out”, “shut us down”, “push our buttons”?

• How skilled are we at knowing how to recover our ground or center?

• What is our ability to initiate and navigate repair?

At this point, you might be thinking, “So, Shannon, isn’t building capacity the same thing as developing our ability to be mindful, empathetic and/or emotionally intelligent?” 

No, it’s not the same thing.

While these abilities are absolutely involved, I’ve found I can practice all of those things while staying completely in my head. Even after bringing yoga and meditation into my life, I was still in my head. And I’ve seen and experienced this with others, too.

Building capacity takes it deeper -- deeper into our bodies, into our nervous systems. Making it so we can go from noticing the state of our nervous systems to staying present to it to regulating and even co-regulating ourselves. There are whole books written about this -- I’d recommend starting with The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Ven Der Kolk, M.D..

Here’s a question I ask people in the programs I have around building capacity: 

• How is your nervous system doing?

This question tends to be new to people and helps them tune into their bodies and whole beings more, in deeper ways. To get beyond the increasingly mainstream understanding and practice of mindfulness or embodiment.

Developing this kind of capacity in myself has changed everything for me.

Truly. I mean, I will be building my capacity forever as I have barely scratched the surface AND I have strengthened my ability to notice and take care of my nervous system so that I can be with more discomfort of all kinds while staying more connected to myself and others. 

So, a question or noticing to add to the others above is:

• To what degree can you attune to your nervous system and how you are doing on that level?

I was in a moving and beautiful song circle and workshop just recently with Aaron Johnson and other amazing people from Holistic Resistance and throughout he said, “Let’s pause and notice one another. See if you can.”

And I’ll leave you here.

More soon. Building capacity is increasingly becoming the focus of my and Greg’s work. 

Culture: From Platitudes to Practice (from our weekly Learning Together series)

On Wednesday, January 4th, 2023, we held our first Learning Together session of the year. As often happens, folks started emailing us and letting us know that they couldn’t make it. We had a great group, but the fact that a handful of folks had asked for “the recording” (a very typical thing in today’s world of virtual meetings and trainings), we decided we wanted to be able to share something. Especially since we generally don’t record our offerings, as they are so experientially driven.

So, we hung on for a few minutes and recorded this video. We’ll plan on doing this more as we go with these various offerings. Plus, we plan to offer more at a different time so as to be more helpful to other time zones.

Let us know what you think! Hope this is helpful!

The Changes to Come

Recently, we did a short learning session with a cohort of leaders that we'd been coaching. The title was 'Leading Through Change.' In it, we talked about the difference between change (a measurable event) and transition (a less measurable process that unfolds as a result of change). These are topics I've been interested in for years now. There are hardly any places I've worked or any clients I've worked with within the last decade where I haven't spoken about them in one way or another. 

The thing that's been interesting for me over the years is the reality that we live in a state of constant change. Things are pretty much always in flux these days. Heck, they always have been, but we haven't always been able to see it (or maybe experience it so directly). The last twenty-some years have brought about a rapid increase in the spread of information, which puts the changes in our lives front and center. The last decade especially. The previous five years, for sure. And it's not like that's going to slow down any time soon.

And then we have this past year, plus. Change upon change upon change. How much can any of us take? Especially if we take seriously that the impact of a change -- again, a measurable and discrete event -- precipitates a transition. 

Think of a transition as a psychological and emotional process that unfolds over time after a change. Small change? No big deal. In and out of transition in a matter of minutes, hours, maybe days. Big change? We're talking weeks, months, maybe years. Think about the grief cycle as we know it. This is a transition.

What happens when we have change upon change -- transition upon transition? Especially when it's at the scale of this past year -- a scale that none of us could have imagined just a little while ago. I suspect we have no idea yet. 

This past year has been intense. And it's not over. And when it's 'over', we're going to face even more changes. Even more transitions. 

I recently put up a poll on LinkedIn because I wondered how folks were feeling about returning to the office, something that's quite the subject of conversation these days.

The poll asked:

When you think about getting to the 'other side' of the pandemic, are you...

• ...excited to dive back into the world -- Let's go to the office! Let's go to parties! Let's go to amusement parks!

• ...looking forward to it, but feeling cautious -- I hope my employer/company has a safe re-entry policy. I'll be socializing but following guidelines and taking it slow.

• ...feeling nervous about what it means -- What will it be like to be around so many people after more than a year apart? I'm not sure I'm ready to head to the office.

Now, I get that this poll is in no way scientific. It's results should be taken with a super grain of salt. But they were interesting nonetheless. Here they are:

• Ready to dive in! -- 20%  

• Optimistic but cautious. -- 40%  

• Really quite nervous. -- 40%  

If this tells me anything, it is to be careful. When we are starting to re-enter the workplace, we need to do so with intention and care. We must slow down enough to consider the psychological and emotional impact of coming back together. As much as it can feel like returning to work should be a simple thing, it's likely not going to be. How can we care for folks as we make this change? How can we attend to the inevitable transition? 

When leading an organization, this can be tricky. We are looking at the needs of our customers and stakeholders. We are looking at costs. We see the need to 'move on' and get to the other side of this. The bigger the organization, I think, the trickier this gets. But this is critical. Especially now. This may be the most significant transition we've ever undergone together. 

Look for some more thoughts on this in the coming months. After all, we're going to be in these transitions for some time. For now, we’ve put together a “Leading Through Change” worksheet you can download to help you navigate the transitions ahead. 

Black Lives Matter - some things you can do

Like many, we started our week heartbroken and angry. Recent events – from learning about the murders of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor, the profiling of Chris Cooper in New York, to the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis, and the unrest that’s emerged in response – have made it painfully clear that we have a long, long way to go in dismantling and eliminating racism in this country. Many of us are hurting and angry; most especially the Black community.

As two white-identified consultants, we stand with the Black community. We believe that Black Lives Matter, and that we need to do our own work in undoing white supremacy — in ourselves, and in the world. We are grateful for our mentors and teachers from Holistic Resistance who we are engaged with in learning about our own whiteness, and how to support others in these difficult conversations. Other teachers include Rev. angel Kyodo williams, Anna Brown Griswold, adrienne maree brown, Layla Saad, and many, many more. We will continue to do our work every day to be in accountability, undo the conditioning of white supremacy, and support racial and social justice in our world.

Yesterday morning, millions of us went back to work, just like every other Monday. Many of us were upset by the events of the weekend. And, many (if not most) of us did not have the space to process these events or tried to do so on social media or with family — probably with not very good outcomes Pretending that these events didn’t happen isn’t an option. Indeed there’s a high likelihood that these events – and the subject of race in general – is going to show up in our workplace conversations.

We believe these conversations deeply matter and need to happen at work. However, if they aren’t held well, they can lead to harm. If you’re looking for support in holding these conversations, we’d be happy to help. Be it supporting white-identified folks in conversation about race (a.k.a.white caucuses) or developing intentional and reflective conversation-based workshops to support your people, we can bring our experience and willingness to stop into the messy conversations with you.

Please reach out for support. 

If you are looking for things you can do right now to support ending systemic racism — and, specifically, ending the oppression of Black people, see below for some resources.

At Connection Works, we believe that to create a more life-giving world – which is really our ultimate purpose, our reason for being  – we have to do the hard things. This includes disrupting the patterns and systems that have brought us the divisions we feel and experience in the world. This means disrupting white supremacy. We all have our role to play in this. We all have our work to do in connecting to ourselves and to each other in ways that uphold and promote each other’s dignity and humanity.That’s a big part of what we mean by connection works.

Note: In the original posting of this (as well as the email to our mailing list) I had misspelled Breonna Taylor’s name. I have fixed it here. I should have done a better job of checking on the spelling of her name, and not done that to the memory of a Black woman.

Breaking Down Barriers: Getting Close to Blackness

The folks at Holistic Resistance are holding this workshop on Friday, 6/5 at 3:30pm PDT. It’s free, but we strongly encourage you to donate,

Info is here.

“This workshop is a deep dive into exploring topics of racism, oppression, and privilege through the lens of intimacy, closeness, and relationship building. Active listening, sharing, and connection are at the center of our workshops. We will ask questions, check in with our bodies, mold clay, and lean on our creativity when taking on dismantling oppressive systems.”

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Standing Together for Love

Join us this Thursday, 6/4, from 1:00-2:30pm for an opportunity to connect and process the events that surround us. This is a space for folks who identify as white to process our feelings. We understand that members of the Black Community, as well as other POC may not want to be present as white folks process their experience. Yet, everyone is welcome to join. 

You can register here.

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Donate to Black causes

We recommend ActBlue’s fundraiser that will split your donation between 11 organizations fighting for racial justice and against police brutality.

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Start Acting Today

Here is a great resource of 75 Things White People Can Do For Racial Justice. Pick one and get to work.

Putting what matters "in the center"

I’ve been fortunate to have an interesting career. It’s taken me to some unexpected places, and I’ve learned a lot about ways we can show up along the way. Early on, I learned a lesson that has stayed with me: what we center in our work is critical. It’s critical in how we experience our work. Perhaps more important, it’s critical in how we encounter each other.

The specifics of the job I had when this lesson presented itself aren’t important. That said, it was a mission-driven organization that required demanding hours — it wasn’t unusual for us to work an 80-hour week. In fact, I worked over 100 hours in a week on multiple occasions. It also wasn’t unusual to encounter people who only thought about the work, and who pretty much worked 24/7. I watched person after person burn out, sometimes within weeks of being hired. It was pretty brutal.

In the first months of being in this job (which, by the way, I was definitely passionate about, which will help explain where I ended up), I encountered superiors who pushed me to always do more. I remember telling one of them that I’d go talk to the person they wanted me to track down as soon as I grabbed a sandwich. It was 7pm, and I hadn’t eaten all day. “Are you saying you’re willing to risk not being able to reach them for a sandwich?” Yeah, that was his response. In each of the places I had to travel to for this job, I encountered more of these high-pressure managers. We had so much to do, we can’t wait to get it done. Go. This was a culture of get it done at all costs.

You can probably see where this is going. Within a year, I hit a wall. I was falling apart. All the working, the traveling, the late nights, the early mornings took a toll. Too much coffee. Too much Red Bull. Unhealthy eating. It was doing me in. I fell into a deep depression and struggled to do the simplest things. A coworker who had become a friend encouraged me to talk to my boss. “She’ll understand,” this friend told me. “Trust me.” Thing is, this boss, who was well loved in our organization, wasn’t one of these more more more types. She worked her butt off, and people worked their butt off for her. But something about her was different. I went to talk to her.

She took me to lunch, and I spilled my guts. She listened. Really listened. She was fully with me. When I finished speaking, she looked at me with kind eyes and told me her story. Of burnout and being overworked. Of collapse. Of not being able to go any further. She looked at me and said, “I get it. Let’s figure out what to do together.” We talked about plans, about what was possible, about what I wanted. It was amazing. She stood up for me with some people, made arrangements, put me on a new work plan. Got me a reasonable schedule. Helped me get the help I needed. She may very well have saved my life.

I’m not so sure this is all that unusual. Yes, the conditions were extreme. But I think the underlying issue is far more common than we realize. The thing that gets into our cultures and drives us to do more. And more. And more. The thing that leads us to burnout, and unhealthy stress, not to mention what we tend to call “lack of engagement.”

And what is this thing that drove the intensity? It’s simple. It’s what we centered: getting the job done at all costs. We had goals. We had to achieve them. There were quotas. We had to meet them. We were in a very competitive environment, and if we didn’t “win,” someone else would. There was no time for us to consider an alternative. The irony is that I believed in this. In some ways, so did my boss. She believed in what we were doing with a passion I saw few meet.

But she held the work very differently than most of us did. She centered the health and well-being of the people she worked with. Dare I say, she centered care.

We could say this another way: she put humans first.

I was centering what pretty much everyone around me was centering. The winning. I was centering what others told me to get done. I was centering a transaction. And why wouldn’t I? It’s just the way things are, right?

And this, I think, is a big part of what we are up against. It’s just the way things are. But it’s not working. Perhaps it never did.

There are shifts happening in the world of work. The decisions we make during this time are likely to impact the “way things are” for years to come. I believe we’re being called to clarify what we center. By choosing just the work, we will get a certain outcome. And there is no doubt that some will choose that.

But if we center people – if we put humans first – we can expect an entirely different outcome. We can expect an outcome that contains greater meaning. An outcome we can be proud of. An outcome we can actually live with.

The thing is, putting people in the center doesn’t mean we are giving up on getting things done. We aren’t giving up on outcomes. My boss wasn’t saying, “It doesn’t matter if we lose. I don’t care.” No, she was saying the opposite. That it’s possible to achieve our goals, to get our work done, but only if we are around to do it. How can I help if I’ve burned out?

Productivity. Efficiency. Profit. Return on Investment. Yes, these things are important. But must we center them? What might the impact on these if we put what’s meaningful in the center? If we put humans first?

There’s one more thing I feel called to speak to here. My boss wasn’t holding this perspective as some sort of workplace initiative. It was who she was. One of the most significant takeaways in this for me is that in order put humans first, it has to come from within — from who we are and from caring about who others are. This requires being honest with ourselves about our goals, our desires, about who we want to be in the world. And it requires doing the hard work of extracting beliefs and conditioning that no longer serve us.

I’m grateful for what my boss did for me all those years ago. She showed me that there was a way we can approach our work that values care for one another as a way to support what we are doing in the world. She showed me that it’s okay to be a messy, challenged human being. She showed me what can happen by putting humans first.